Getting Ready

It was New Year's Eve - 1999. The year I graduated high school. The year I ventured out into the real world as a freshman in college, discovering the tastes and sounds and culture of the magnificent city of Chicago. And the year that was rumored to lead into the supposed Millennial Apocalypse. The news stations were smothered with instructions to stock up on water bottles and flash lights. Computers would no longer be working after midnight. This was it.

And apparently, I was very concerned. It was my first Christmas break from college, and my first real quality time spent in Memphis, Tennessee, where my family had relocated just prior to the start of my schooling. I had no friends in this city - and I'm honestly not quite sure how I ended up with this particular group of college age "kids" but I was at some one's house that I didn't personally know... avoiding the runny jello shots and trying to fake laugh at the crude humor in American Pie, which up until this point in my life I had managed to never see, and didn't care if the world ended that night because I wouldn't be sad to miss the end of the movie. The lights never went out, the TV never went black and I was left to fend for myself in an incredibly awkward situation. I sat in my recliner, pretending to sleep through the rest of the movie... wondering if there would be a shortage of water bottles and bread for those who didn't stock up on it.

The most popular question I've been asked in the past week has been, "So, are you ready for 2015?" I'm sure thousands of people thought they were ready for the new millennium and all the mayhem it was going to bring. And then there are New Year's resolutions... a preparation to change. Most likely temporarily. But over the years, no matter how much we think we are ready - events happen that prove we were no where close. April 19, 1995. September 11, 2001. August 23, 2005. April 27, 2011. April 15, 2013. In fact, every day of every month of every year holds significance for someone somewhere. A day they never saw coming... something they never expected.

So when I am asked if I feel ready for the new year, how can I even respond? I thought I had a great start to this year. If 2014 was a boxing ring, the first trouble I met knocked me flat on my back and the lousy ref never intervened and I just continued getting kicked while I was down. How could I have prepared myself for that? How could I have known it was going to be such a rough year?

Because Jesus told me so.

“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33)

I think I have always viewed the new year through a rose colored lens. It's a new start... I can determine my fate if I make smart choices, stick to my goals and keep my head up. The thing is, the new year isn't really a new start at all. It's just a new page on the calendar like every other month of the year. My tears from December will roll into January... because time doesn't just stop at 11:59 on December 31 - allowing us to become completely new people with blank slates and new habits - and then start rolling again when the ball drops in Times Square. I heard U2's New Year's Day on the radio last night. Bono's words, "I will begin again..." kept turning around in my head. The truth is, we can "begin again" on any day of the year.

In my 2014 boxing ring, I wasn't just the unfortunate soul who got her butt handed to her. I was also the ref. Jesus told me I would have trouble, and instead of calling the cheap shots for what they were, I stood there and watched injustice play out before me without saying a word. In a very difficult yet invaluable teaching moment, I realized what God was trying to show me this year.

The apostle Paul, imprisoned and facing death, urged his fellow believers on with this letter, which was placed so timely in my line of sight, right when I needed to read it. 

           In the presence of God and of Christ Jesus, who will judge the living and the dead, and in view of his appearing and his kingdom, I give you this charge: Preach the word; be prepared in season and out of season; correct, rebuke and encourage—with great patience and careful instruction. For the time will come when people will not put up with sound doctrine. Instead, to suit their own desires, they will gather around them a great number of teachers to say what their itching ears want to hear. They will turn their ears away from the truth and turn aside to myths. But you, keep your head in all situations, endure hardship, do the work of an evangelist, discharge all the duties of your ministry. For I am already being poured out like a drink offering, and the time for my departure is near. I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day—and not only to me, but also to all who have longed for his appearing. ~2 Timothy 4:1-8

Paul was a fighter. He raced to the finish line, never losing faith. He was prepared - in and out of season. He endured much hardship and STILL PRESSED ON. Oh, how I want to have faith like Paul's! He didn't try to control his fate nor did he just sit back and let life happen to him. No - he took Jesus' hand and together, with his Savior by his side - THEY happened to IT. Testimonies aren't powerful because things happen to us. They are powerful because we take the hand of our Savior and we fight the good fight. And we win.

Lamentations 3:22-23 tells us that God's mercies are new every morning... not just on January 1st. Instead of looking at 2015 as a whole, I want to take each day as it comes. I may not know what each day will bring, and some will be much harder than others. But I am done asking the question, "Why is this happening to me?" When something happens, I will be ready.  

Synonyms for the word ready: accessible, adjusted, all set, all systems go, anticipating, apt, arranged, at beck and call, at fingertips, close to hand, completed, convenient, covered, equipped, expectant, fit, fixed for, handy, in line, in order, in place, in position, near, on call, open to, primed, qualified, ripe, set, waiting, wired.

I can't be physically ready for what is to come. But my Savior is. He is close to hand. He is complete. He is at my beck and call. He is accessible. He is equipped. He covers me. He is fit, near, set, waiting... and He is mine. And I am His. With His Word close to my heart, I know with confidence that I can do anything through Him who gives me strength. I know that with my God I can scale a wall. And if one of these days I fall, I know he will be there to pick me up, pray with me as we watch the sun set, and carry me... to the next day. Where I will begin again.

Clearing the Rubble

My husband and I have owned a beautiful 10 acre plot of land for a little over a year now. We have dreams to build a home on it, plant a huge garden full of veggies and fruit trees, and of course there will be a weeping willow in the front yard somewhere. I have always wanted a willow tree. It's a must. This past year we planted corn on the land. We cleared thorny trees and planted white pines and spruce trees in their place. We tore down barbed wire fencing. We had electricity installed, so now my man can run power tools out there. But the greatest accomplishment by far is the tree swing Eric built for the boys. He precariously stood on top of a fully extended 30 foot ladder that barely grazed the bottom of the elm branch he was wrapping rope around. The giggles and squeals that accompany an excited Heaton boy as he swings back and forth, around and around, is priceless. Our newest venture is going to be constructing a Morton building - a place where Eric can operate his business, and the site where many parts of our future house will be birthed.

In order to build this shed, we needed to break up a concrete slab that remained from a pre-existing structure on the land. It actually looked like mini ancient ruins, overrun with weeds, tall grass, and random trees protruding from the cracked concrete. With a back hoe and a manly growl (what I like to compare to a gorilla beating his chest) my main squeeze busted up that concrete into chunks of hard gray rubble. Then, he immediately cleared the rubble away by moving it next to the road, where he can jack hammer it apart later into rock that he can lay as the floor of the building.

It amazes me how God can hammer in a point sometimes. (Pun intended.) I am currently leading Kelly Minter's Nehemiah Bible study at my church. I come together with an amazing group of tenderhearted women every Wednesday morning to explore the significance of Nehemiah and his calling to rebuild the walls of Jerusalem after the city lay in ruins. The timeliness of this study has me marveling at God and His perfect ways. Let me explain.

This year has been a rough year for me, to say the least. January led with a bang - a personal blow that left me feeling broken and confused. The hardest part of dealing with this situation was the aftermath of thoughts in my head. I knew I wasn't outside of God's will, which is why I didn't understand why I had come under fire. I should expect by now that following God's voice does not mean things will always go smoothly for me. But this confusing situation left me open and vulnerable. I had suffered a major blow - and I was standing in a pile of rubble. Just weeks later, I found a lump in my breast while my husband was oversees leading a mission trip. For over a week I convinced myself that I had breast cancer. Fear consumed me and the pile of rubble grew around me. Though it was just a cyst, the "lump" took a life of its own. The fear and uncertainty that came with it left me feeling afraid for the next attack. Over the next few months, we experienced two deaths in the family, a couple of very difficult circumstances surrounding my husband's work life, and a trip to the dermatologist that determined I had some pre-cancerous cells that still need to be surgically removed. And underlying all of this, my husband and I have been trying for over a year to get pregnant. And it ain't happening.

As the pile of rubble grew around me, so did my anxiety. I never really struggled with anxiety before. I'm usually known for remaining calm in stressful situations. But as these arrows kept firing at me (or so it felt like) I had no defense against them. Fear had grown roots inside of me, in the form of anxiety. My walls - my armor - were laying around me, in a heaping mess of rubble, as evidence of the blows I kept incurring. It got to the point where I was just anticipating the next attack. What was next? Do I have cancer somewhere? Is that why I can't get pregnant? Is someone dear to me going to die? Is our house going to burn down? I had crazy thoughts running through my head, and as I stood in the midst of the ruins around me, remains of a strength I once knew, I told God that I just couldn't live like this anymore.

Enter Nehemiah.

The city of Jerusalem - the home of a people set apart by God - had been pillaged, God's temple burned, the walls of the city broken, the gates demolished by fire, and anything of value destroyed. And God put it in Nehemiah's heart to rebuild the city. At the time Kelly Minter was writing this Bible study, she had recently finished helping with a restoration project that helped families who had lost their homes during the Nashville flood several year ago.

       She says this, "After the Nashville flood I helped rebuild three homes, and during the process I learned a worthy lesson: The difference between building and rebuilding is rubble. Building starts with a clean slate and means new, freshly-scented materials. Rebuilding means maneuvering through piles of brick, metal, and junk before you get to hanging the stunning chandelier you found for half-price, the one God ordained for you to own before the foundation of the world... The problem with rubble is that it hangs around well after the initial destruction. Though the attack of Jerusalem's walls had long since passed, the rubble was still present."

This revelation hit me like a ton of bricks. (Again, pun intended.) I was standing in the pile of rubble that I had allowed to continue growing with every blow I was dealt throughout the year. I had never cleared any of it away. The lingering evidence of these hardships was scattered around me and manifesting itself in the form of anxiety. Of course I was just waiting for the next attack... because somewhere along the way I had thrown my hands up in defeat.

Eric immediately cleared the broken concrete away so that a new structure could be built in its place. Seeing this physical representation, along with God's Word loud and clear in my mind, I understood what I needed to do in order to move forward. I needed to remove the rubble in my life, and rebuild. I began to pray for the Lord to replace my anxiety with His Peace. He did. I turned to my family and trusted friends and asked for their prayers and intercession on my behalf. They did. As I have dug further into this Bible study, I sense God reworking my heart as we - together - rebuild Heather, not to who she formerly was, but as a new creation. 2 Corinthians 5:17 us "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!" I find such encouragement knowing that my Great God can take a broken woman, standing in a messy field of ruins, and pluck her right out of it, holding her in the palm of His hand as He gently sculpts her into the woman He longs for her to be.

Since I have cleared away the excess baggage, I have noticed God's still voice ever so clearer. Things that brought me anxiety only a couple of months ago, I now have peace about. He is working and changing my heart towards BIG things that only He could move me to do. I am not the person I was 10 months ago, but a stronger believer with a greater understanding of who He is and what He desires from me. And I've learned that, when an attack comes, if I simply just let go and fall back into His arms, He will catch me... and I won't break.