It was a few short months until my wedding day. Eric and I were in the throes of planning for the big day, which was set to take place in a beautiful little church in Memphis. I was sitting in a tall chair in a department store, the smells from the perfume counter overpowering my nose. A young, fair skinned woman was applying my eye shadow and blush, in an attempt to discover my "wedding day look." I had never had a makeover before, and I recall feeling special. Important, even. I smiled and let the make up artist in front of me do her magic. She was pretty quiet, until a few African American teenage girls loudly walked by. Then she started to speak.
"There are way too many black people that have taken over this mall. My friends and I have nicknamed Memphis - Memfrica."
My heart just about popped out of my chest. WHAT?!?!? I could tell my face was instantly flushed. She clearly didn't notice because she kept on going. I sat in my chair in complete disbelief. I went to school in Chicago. I had DEAR friends who were black. And I had just - as in A MONTH prior to this instance - returned from South Africa where I studied abroad for five weeks. The purpose of my studies were to learn about the history of the country, the progression and abolition of apartheid, the roots of slavery, the depth of racism in our own country, and efforts of reconciliation here and abroad. Her words made me physically ill. I couldn't even say anything. I stood up, with only one eye fully made over and simply walked away. I didn't feel special or important as I walked away. I felt shame. I felt dirty. I should have yelled at her. I knew I was privileged just because of my skin color. I knew it and I hated it. And I was mad at myself that I was so infuriated but had said nothing. I wasn't going to let that happen again.
I remember, years later, calling out a coworker for making a racist comment. His story began with "This car drove by... you know, a typical black man's car..." I couldn't contain my shock and disgust at that comment, so I spoke up.
And when a white friend of mine dropped the N word, I spoke up.
And when another coworker made comments about the way the black teenager who was filling her grocery bags talked, I spoke up.
Now, here I sit. I'm tired from a day of holding and comforting a teething baby. My back aches, my eyes are puffy. I want to go to bed. But not as badly as I want to speak up. My heart is breaking for this country. I just sat and watched the news, of rallies taking place across our nation - of people of every color standing up for black lives. "No justice, no peace," they chant. Moments later, the camera pans to officers down, people running scared. The nation I live in is crumbling. I can recall the times I stood up, with my hand over my heart, and proudly belted out our national anthem. Now I hear the words... "the land of the free..." and it causes me to pause.
Because this is not the land of the free. We are an oppressed people. ALL OF US. The black face is not the enemy. The white face is not the enemy. The Muslim face is not the enemy. Homosexuals are not the enemy. No matter the color, the religion, the sexual orientation, birth origin, level of education, whether you carry a gun or not, whether you are a conservative right or liberal left, or whether you are right or wrong - there is ONLY ONE ENEMY. Just one.
The enemy is a thief. He comes only to steal and kill and destroy" (John 10:10). This enemy is destroying the unity of a country that claims to be united IN ITS NAME. This enemy is stealing our humanity, turning us in on each other so that we point fingers at those who think and act and behave differently than we do in order that we can sleep at night all tucked into a bed of superiority and self righteous reasoning. This enemy is killing. He doesn't have a preference of skin color. To him a life is a life - and one more life without the hope of redemption is the name of his game.
Is anyone out there TIRED of playing this game??? Shouldn't our fingers be exhausted by now? How much longer can we point at each other and blame? How much longer can we ignore the truth of the state of our nation right now? In our own country in the past few years there are mass shootings that have taken place in an elementary school, movie theater, college campuses, nightclub, church, grocery store, military centers, THE LIST GOES ON. There are children, teenagers and adults who are trafficked right out of this country to be sold into slavery EVERY DAY. More than 46 million people live in poverty in this country. Where I live. Where you live. Where our children live.
I can't do it anymore. The "Hi, how are you?" "Good! Just busy, you know," kind of on the surface conversations that happen over and over again. Can we talk?? Please? Can we discuss the future of this place we call home and how we can try to stand united again? Can we have the difficult, uncomfortable conversations in our churches?? Can we challenge each other to see past the divisive diversion of race, religion, politics and sexual orientation and claim UNITY AND FREEDOM in the ONE who brings unity and freedom? Jesus was sent to bind up the broken hearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives, and release from darkness for the prisoners... (Isaiah 61:1). We may not live in the land of the free, but we can find freedom in the only One who can give it.
Black lives matter. I have studied much, travelled far and witnessed racism to the point of understanding it well - but I will never KNOW what it is like to be judged because of my skin color. In the same breath, I say that the lives of white cops matter just as much. I am proud to be a part of a family with generations of outstanding police officers and members of the military, who put others' lives before their own on a daily basis. The lives of every person on this planet matter. The life of a serial killer still matters to our God who has the ability to save it.
Friends, let's have the difficult conversations. Let's listen to each other. Let's challenge our pastors to pray with our congregations for these groups of people who are being targeted - not by a single person, political group or religious sect - but by an unseen enemy who is trying to cripple us and prevent us from seeing the greater picture. Reconciliation can happen when we invite God to be a part of the ugliest situations. Healing can happen when we allow God to soften our hearts towards one another. Let's remember who the real enemy is, and begin showering each other with grace, humility, compassion and gentleness.
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