My three and five year olds are the two most rambunctious, inquisitive, smart, perceptive, and beautiful little boys I have ever laid eyes on. They willingly embrace me throughout the day, nuzzling their little heads into my belly as they wrap their arms around my hips, looking up at me with their innocent sparkling blue eyes, with smiles sprawled across their faces. The highlights of my day, every day. So precious.
The following is a common conversation that my husband and I have as he walks in the door after a long day at work.
The husband - "Hey honey, how was your day?"
The momma (as she is stirring the pasta sauce at the stove) - "Pretty good, how was yours?"
The husband - "Good! What was the highlight of your day?"
The momma (her heart swelling at the thought of those warm and fuzzy moments) - "Gabe fell asleep in my arms today, so we snuggled for a long time." OR "We spent a while reading and snuggling in the pillow fort we made in the playroom." OR "The boys were extra lovey and silly today, so we just had fun laughing about everything."
The husband - "So... they were good for you today?"
The momma (still at the stove but now turning and looking at her husband in the eyes) - "Oh, just wait until you hear this... you may want to grab a beer first."
The frigid winter months do not aid in the development of peaceful interactions between preschoolers. When the wind chill is -50 and school is repeatedly cancelled, it is next to impossible to keep coming up with ideas (and energy) to keep these boys entertained. I regularly feel like I am a referee at a never ending jiu-jitsu match. "Stop screaming!" "Don't hit your brother!" "Give him his toy back!" "That was NOT a nice thing to say!" "It is NOT ok for you to throw your food on the floor!" This is my dialogue. Every day.
As the mother of these two little boys whom I love with an indescribable adoration, I am not simply scolding them when they do something wrong. I am lovingly coaching them through life, attempting to teach them how to make better choices, how to appropriately resolve conflict, and most importantly - how to obey. As parents, teaching our children how to obey is probably THE most important life skill we can offer them.
There is always a standard in place, a set of expectations, and laws that require obedience. A small child is not only required to obey his parents but also his teachers and his babysitters - and rules established by these figures of authority. At 16 our kids become law-abiding citizens with every turn of the steering wheel (I think my blood pressure just went up as I typed that). As we send our kids off to college (gulp) we hope and pray that our children still hold themselves to the same moral standard we instilled in them for 18 years. And after that... they are held accountable by their bosses, landlords, credit card companies, banks, churches... We are ALWAYS going to have to serve somebody. There is always someone that will hold us accountable to something. The most powerful man in the world and the most lawless one will still have to answer to someone.
I recently put Jack in a time out for disobeying me. After his time out had ended, he came up to me and angrily said, "I am going to turn you into a boy!" "Why?" I asked. "Actually, I am going to turn EVERY girl into a boy! Because girls are always taking my control away!" At this I laughed, but it really got me thinking. Isn't that what obedience is all about? Submitting control to a greater authority? I think its easy to view the consequences of disobedience as motivators for obedience. And, if I am being honest, my moral code holds me accountable in most situations where simple obedience is required. But Jack's comment prompted me to think about obedience in a different way. There is a definite consequence for disobedience. But obedience also has a cost.
The stage was set. March 28, 2003. 6:00 pm. Lake Geneva, Wisconsin. I was standing in a heart-shaped circle of lit candles, in the center of a boathouse overlooking a quiet lake. The sun was setting and light rain was dancing on the roof. Christmas lights twinkled in the rafters. Eric Clapton's Wonderful Tonight was softly playing. My sweet boyfriend was before me on one knee, his arm extended, holding out a beautiful shiny promise in his hand.
That was an easy YES. I didn't have to think about it. It was one of the most life-changing decisions I have ever made, and the answer was a no-brainer. As one who has a history of extreme indecisiveness, this was a huge feat. I have faced many life-altering decisions since then, and my answers have been harder to discern. These days, saying YES to God as an act of obedience is a lot more difficult.
YES to being a stay at home mom.
YES to moving to Illinois and becoming a farmer's wife.
YES to accepting difficult circumstances and walking through them knowing that God's design and timing of all things are perfect, planned and meant to prosper me.
The cost of the YES - leaving a job that I loved. Moving far away from my family. Leaving my comforts of Starbucks, Super Target, and outdoor shopping centers with splash pads, P.F. Chang's, and Maggie Moo's. Changes in the dynamics of my relationships. A shift in my expectations of what I thought was to come. Shake-ups in my reality. Unanticipated hardships, obstacles and set backs.
In Luke 9:23, Jesus tells us, "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me." Flash forward to John 19:17 - John tells us that Jesus carried his own cross to the place of the Skull, where he was crucified. Before his death, Jesus instructed his followers to take up their own crosses. He warned us that a life following him would be anything but a cake walk. We are to pick up our crosses DAILY. Daily we will meet hardships, difficult choices and feel the heavy weight of the cross we bear. BUT.
"As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. If you obey my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have obeyed my Father's commands and remain in his love. I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete." John 15:9-11
"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." John 16:33
There is a definite cost when we choose obedience to God's calling - the cost being control over our own lives. When we say YES to God, we ultimately say NO to ourselves and allow Him the right and authority to mold us, use us, tune us, humble us, and teach us however He sees fit. But I rest on His Word in Jeremiah 29:11, "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." The cost of obedience is NOTHING compared to the promise He has for me. The benefits of His never ending love, complete joy and peace that passes understanding are rewards I don't want to miss out on!
As I think back on the image of Eric on one knee, extending his hand to me, with a ring and a promise, I can easily see God doing the same with me every day of my life. Every morning, He extends me His right hand, holding it out for me to grab hold of. He whispers, "I love you, Heather. Choose Me today." He waits patiently for an answer, never wavering in His proposal, the promise of new mercies, hope, love, joy and peace ready for me to embrace for all the days of my life.
All I have to do is say YES.
